The Necessity Of Failure

"Challenge and true achievement live in the house of failure. If you are not willing to knock on the door then you will probably never meet either of them".

Looking back at my life, I can point to many moments of accomplishment and the happiness that accompanied it. I am equally sure there are many who have known me all my years that would agree that I have enjoyed my share of success. While this is true, there exists a dark secret lying below that which I have accomplished. It is the fact that most of what I have achieved did not require me to face challenge but instead were things I knew I could do. Within every true challenge there must exist the possibility of failure and, while I have done many things in life, more often than not I did not embrace challenge because I feared failure. Most of my regrets do not come from failing but from the knowledge that my fear of failing caused me to shrink away from challenge and not even try.

Failure has a very bad reputation which causes most people to try and avoid it. We are taught from a young age to be embarrassed by failure. Most parents believe it is their job to protect their children from the scars of falling short. Teachers tend to gravitate toward the best students to validate their lesson plan. Coaches spend more time honing the skills of their strongest players because it helps them achieve the short term goal of winning the next meaningless game. This is the opposite of the way failure should be seen and applied. Failure is the line that a person has reached in their development. It is a line which defines current ability. It is a fence between what a person is now and what they could be. It not only shows where improvement is needed, it marks the path to true achievement. When possibility of failure is accepted and then challenged, the future point at which it occurs changes. The moment that once caused failure becomes part of the past and is rendered powerless in the future. Failure is a very necessary component of learning and growth. Parents should encourage their children to accept challenge and they should support the child’s courage to try just as much as they enjoy their periodic successes. Teachers should measure their success by their ability reach the weakest of their students and it should be their goal to make all understand. A coach should build strategies that engage the less talented players with the best players and by doing so challenge them all to achieve within the framework of the team.

Decades ago I made a deal with my father. My deal was that I would caddie for him in a matchplay golf tournament and if he won he had to buy me a skateboard. He accepted my terms and we went out to face our first challenger. My father had a fairly natural golf swing which allowed him to be a relatively good player without the benefit of much practice. However, his inability to practice gave rise to his nemesis, the short putt. From three feet or less he would become quite nervous and often times miss. In the first match he had missed a couple of short putts and was becoming very discouraged with himself. After one short miss I stood next to him on the following tee and looked up at him. He was red in the face, mad at himself and embarrassed at his latest gaff. I touched his arm to get his attention and he looked down at me. In a soft voice so that our opponent could not hear, I gave him this advice. “The next short putt, just pretend you have already missed it. Every time you make a second practice attempt at the short putt you just missed you always make it”. He nodded agreement and smiled as if my words had lifted a weight off his shoulders. Without knowing it at the time I was just telling him to accept the possibility of failure and then perform. He did not make every short putt but he made most of them. The heightened proficiency with the short putts created new confidence in the rest of his game. We won that initial match and the next four. He was smiling ear to ear when he bought me the skateboard.

There are times, in the recesses of my mind when I allow myself to dream. I try to visualize my private goals across the chasm of challenge and the fear of failure it inspires. At these times I usually cringe at the apparent arrogance of my dreams; great accomplishments are reserved for special people surely not me. But then a voice inside my head whispers, “Why not me?”. Everyone who has achieved great things has experienced failure. What made them exceptional was their willingness to face failure and move past it. If I want to achieve my goals it is failure that I must not only endure but seek. I must embrace challenge and then travel through inevitable failure toward true accomplishment. In the end my dreams may or may not come to fruition but at least I will be able to replace the regret of fear based inactivity with the prideful knowledge that I took on real challenges, faced the fear of failure, and tried.