The Perception Of Conflict

In the course of every life, we are all faced with a myriad of problems and challenges to be solved and/or overcome. The majority of these instances should never rise to the level of conflict or confrontation and yet many of them do. In these cases challenges and problems that metastasize into conflict are fueled by personal fears and insecurities. They are informed by our own internal weakness which ultimately reduces our ability to reach rational conclusions. Challenges devolve into percieved conflicts when they evoke our fears and thus retrain our focus on the negative aspects of circumstances rather than the path to resolution.

Years ago I was playing in a golf tournament with a group of people from work. The course was foreign to all of us so every hole was a new golfing experience. In the beginning of the round, upon arriving to each new tee box, I would survey the landscape and begin to audibly make reference to the different hazards and conditions that were designed into the hole to make it difficult. I would point out the sand traps, water hazards, trees and boundaries not to be crossed. This went on for a few holes until one of my playing partners put his hand on my shoulder and told me to stop looking at the hazards and look at the green grass of the fairway where I wanted to hit the ball. His comment brought me to the realization that all the attention I was giving to the hazards was misplaced. I was focusing too much on what could go wrong instead of concentrating on where I wanted to hit the ball. I took his advice and my round improved instantly. I was now free to give the majority of my effort to meeting the challenges of the course layout rather than fearing what would happen if I happened to hit an errant shot. I let go of my fears and embraced the challenge instead of wasting my intellectual energy battling the self-imposed internal conflict.

In many cases, when faced with the possibility of the disagreement of position or opinion we are collaterally confronted by our own personal weaknesses. These weaknesses, which are rooted in a lack of confidence or fear generated by a host of possible insecurities, create an emotionally driven angst that stymies thoughtful discourse. Intellectual means of resolution becomes subverted by the cloud of unrelated irrational responses. Because of this emotional shell game that we use to hide that which intimidates us, we often times anticipate a conflict which does not exist. In an attempt to hide what we see as our own shortcomings, either real or wrongly perceived we will create alternative and distracting internal discourse. Challenges that could be reasonably entered into and subsequently resolved become conflicts of hidden agendas of competing weakness. Personal battles become the undercurrent of the confrontation and therefore makes resolution that much harder to achieve. 

In the iconic western Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid there is a scene which is a prime example of a challenge that becomes a conflict. Butch and Sundance are being hunted by a posse of highly skilled professional lawmen. After a long chase, in which Butch and Sundance attempt to evade their pursuers, they find themselves trapped on a sheer cliff. As Sundance begins to prepare for the confrontation Butch looks over the edge of the cliff and sees that there is a river at the bottom. He then suggests to Sundance that they should jump off the cliff and into the river. Sundance immediately rejects the idea and continues to load his guns. Butch then begins to try and convince Sundance they should jump but he keeps insisting that he wants to fight. After some back and forth Sundance finally blurts out, “I can’t swim!”. Butch then laughs and retorts, “Swim? Hell the fall will probably kill ya”. With that proclamation Sundance realizes that jumping is their only chance for survival. He lets go of his fear of the water and chooses a solution to the problem rather than the conflict with the lawmen. They each grab the end of a belt and run off the cliff, land in the river and survive.

Life’s challenges can be met in a more constructive way if we meet them with an accurate sense of self. If we can take a moment to differentiate the problem that we are facing from the emotional response it inspires we can maintain a healthy energy toward solution. Eliminating “self” from the problem or challenge allows for sustainable perspective. If we allow ourselves to be influenced by fear then we are left unable to immerse ourselves in the search for progress producing answers. Our inability to discern personal fears from the problem at hand leaves us outside the realm of solution and in the throes of conflict.  

In the conversation between Butch and Sundance a solution or at least a discussion concerning possible solution could not be had until Sundance admitted his fear of drowning. Most of us will never be faced with such a dire decision but the movie scene is directly analogous to our own attempts to solve and overcome. When faced with a challenge or problem do not let it morph into a conflict or confrontation. Assess your situation, realize the irrationality of the emotions it sponsors, disregard those fears, and then face the challenge or problem with a fresh and unencumbered mind. Jumping off a sheer cliff into a river to escape being shot to death is not required.