Recognizing Achievement

“Real achievement is the cornerstone of true confidence. True confidence is the breeding ground of future accomplishments”.

During my young adulthood, periodically I exhibited behaviors that were neither condoned nor understood by my parents. In fact, there were many occasions when I am sure that they were both distraught with worry about my safety. My mother was especially affected by some of my antics because during and after my parents divorce, she and I lived together.  She worried about me constantly and even though I was cognizant of her constant angst, I felt powerless to change the narrative of my story. My life was based and driven by my negative actions as I completely dismissed all the positive things I accomplished. It was as if my existence was somehow preordained; as if I was a character in a story that had been written and was simply playing itself out. To this day, I wonder if the worry I caused her to relentlessly feel somehow hastened her passing.

I now have come to believe that true achievement is something that should be savored and enjoyed because it leads to future success. Most people gloss over achievement either from a false sense of humility or a guilt-ridden belief that they can never make up for the seemingly endless times when they were less than perfect. Instead they spend a vast majority of their time and energy reliving their failures and/or denying them. This is an equation that at best, guarantees a lifetime of unrealized opportunities for success and at worst, fosters cyclical failure. Achievement is a positive outcome that is produced by combining talent and effort not luck. One must always take the time to bask in the light of personal accomplishment. A moment of success should be a time to feel and share pride and to create a heightened sense of confidence as new challenges are pursued. This is a lesson I learned many years ago through a very sobering experience in which I squandered an opportunity for myself and for those who loved me to extract pride from one of my achievements.

Mixed in amongst the trials and failures of my youth, there were a large number diverse accomplishments. I achieved in sports, academics, and at work but I never took much stock in these moments because I was unable to focus on the positivity of my successes. One of the things I was able to complete was a Paralegal Program at the University of San Francisco. It was a rigorous academic program in which I excelled. The morning of graduation came, and I was at home wondering if I should even go to the ceremony. It was a sunny Saturday and I reluctantly put on a coat and tie and wandered over to the school to receive my certificate. I remember vividly the moment I entered the staging area of the proceedings; because I was utterly shocked. There were hundreds of people, graduates and their extended families and friends all milling about happy and excited for the commencement ceremony. I stood there alone not having told a single family member or friend about the graduation festivities. I was asked numerous times by other graduates about the absence of my family. I just sarcastically evaded the real answer to their questions while secretly feeling ashamed. After the ceremony there was a large banquet with so many proud and happy people. I stayed for a while, standing alone until forces of embarrassment became so overwhelming that I slipped out the side door. I remember thinking on the way home how I had done my mother such a disservice by not telling her about my graduation day. Upon arriving home I called her to apologize. I explained to her that I had not given any weight to my completion of the program and because of that I had robbed her of a chance to be proud of me. As always she forgave me and articulated understanding but I could tell by her voice she was very disappointed that I had not invited her into my moment of achievement.

Sometimes I think back on the tumultuous times of my youth. There are some memories that cause me to smile as I view them with the perspective of a middle-aged man; other times I cringe as I recognize the villain in the memory is me. My parents have long since passed away and while I feel a certain amount of guilt over my youthful missteps and my disregard for my achievements I take solace in the fact that they don’t miss any of the moments to be proud of me now. As I privately acknowledge my achievements I know in my heart that they always have and always will be proud of me and all that I accomplish in life. Those small glimmers of time are so special to me that I thirst for my next opportunity to take on and conquer a new challenge. Instead of harboring the destructive forces of failure and by doing so empowering them to negatively impact my future, I take the time to enjoy each of my accomplishments and allow the confidence gained from each positive experience to give rise to future achievement.