Traveling Lighter

"It's déjà vu all over again.” Yogi Berra

I do not travel by plane very often and even though I am not the least bit afraid of flying I am always a little nervous at the airport. I have had some bad experiences while traveling by plane and it seems like every time I am about to begin a trip I can only think of the things that have gone wrong in the past. I have missed planes, lost bags, misplaced my credit card, had discourse with security and airline representatives, arguments with car rental agents and I have even been rejected from a country upon arrival. So when I arrive at the airport I am always filled with apprehension. Unlike many other travelers who want to keep their bags with them on the plane I check my luggage as soon as I arrive at the airport; I discovered long ago that carrying my bag only adds a physical component to my already emotionally encumbered self. Once my bag is checked I can move through the gauntlet of security screening more freely. As I sit at the gate, checking my boarding pass for the eleventh time, I still feel the anxiety of the airport environment. I checked my luggage when I first arrived but all my emotional baggage associated with the airport is still with me.

I have experiential based emotional baggage as most of us do. It is something that lives in my subconscious and can be instantly triggered by a particular environment or interaction. My life experiences have not always been the best and although I have survived and in many cases grown from them, the negative events have all left a certain amount of emotional residue of angst in their wake. I have had many mentally and physically painful interactions with police and so I am hyper-suspicious of all of them. I am skeptical of the of the concept of love because in my past it has been used by others to try and change or control me. I am vigilant in all public situations because my experience has shown me that the potential for violence can come at any time and from anywhere. I am very protective of those I care about because I see potential danger everywhere. I am profoundly affected by homeless people because my greatest fear is that one day I will be homeless. I gravitate toward physical confrontation because I see it as a way to retroactively vanquish those who have bullied and intimidated me when I was young. Because of the physical nature of what I do for a living I sometimes feel compelled to prove to people that I am also intelligent. My unresolved feelings of guilt associated with past transgressions causes me to deflect compliments and bristle when criticized. Throughout most of my life I have denied the existence of my emotional baggage and justified reactive behaviors with flawed logic. In most instances, the severity of my emotionally based reactions was not warranted and caused innocent bystanders to be adversely affected.

Experience and the personal historical references in your life are very important for the shaping of your future. The lessons that life teaches are the most important building blocks of success. Some of the lessons will come from positive outcomes and will build confidence; other lessons will be learned through the negativity of failure and will hopefully inspire a change of course or method. If kept in rightful perspective and given the proper weight it is possible to learn and become a better person from most experiences. The intellectual side of us is able to logically process and understand most experiences. Positive experiences create happiness and the basis for a belief in future success. Negative experiences can be coped with intellectually but they also create emotional baggage which is then stored in the subconscious where it waits to be triggered by similar environments or events. This baggage is part of every person’s psyche and while its inevitability is guaranteed by life its power can be regulated and controlled by recognition. The facts regarding life events can never change but the correlating emotions that are created by experiences can be controlled in future. The ability to change future baggage-based reactions is rooted in the introspective understanding and admission of how an event affected you; the realization that future events, although appearing to be similar, can and probably will turn out differently. It is not a case of blocking out the past but accepting the individuality of the emotional component of an event and allowing for the possibility of different outcomes in the future.

At the end of every trip the last potentially negative experience occurs in baggage claim. By this time I have made to and from my destination, I have successfully navigated rental cars and hotel check-ins, survived with the clothes packed, did not run out of money or get lost permanently. I am back where I started a little tired but not worse for wear. Now if my bag will just come out on to the carousel I will be fine. I wait as the different bags spill out and people come forward to claim them. Now mine comes out and I am happy. It is my bag and I am strangely proud of it for making it home with me. I grab it and feel its weight in my hands, I know all of the contents inside; it is my bag and I will now bring it home. I smile to myself, I made it through another trip. All my travel worries seem to melt away. Right there in the airport I put my emotional travel baggage away. When I arrive home and unpack my bag invariably I put away a pair of pants, a couple of shirts and some socks that I did not need or wear while on my trip. I always seem to bring things with me that I really didn't need. The next time I go on a trip I am going to pack a little lighter. I am not going to pack extra shirts or socks and as far as my emotional baggage goes, I am not going bring the bag containing my negative feelings about hotel and car reservations…everything just a tiny bit lighter and a little more emotionally open to the possibility of new and positive experiences.