Potential And Damage Done

“Criticism is an entree which is best served following a healthy appetizer of praise”

I have had many people in my life that felt it was their duty to help me reach what they determined to be my potential. My parents, teachers, and coaches all thought they knew what I was capable of and so they judged everything I did based on this fantasy of my future. They were hyper-critical and seemed to be singularly obsessed with my mistakes. It was a behavior that they always justified with the notion that they were acting in my best interest. I always thought that it would be so much more palatable if they integrated some positivity and praise in their relentless critique. I don’t remember many discussions regarding present goals achieved only those I was still far short of obtaining. They seemed to want to protect me from failure by constantly criticizing me. They erroneously thought that this constant scrutiny would stave off complacency and under-achievement. As a child I swore to myself that if ever I was in a position to coach or teach that I would be different.

In many cases, young children are tested, observed and then saddled with an appraisal of “having potential”. Some will be deemed to be superior to their peers and to possess a high level of potential in areas such as academics or athletics while others will be judged as average or below. In reality, early prowess in these endeavors can be just as easily explained as being signs of early aptitude or coordination. Those judged average or below because of lack of early success are often times just slower to mature physically and mentally. Unfortunately, this over-simplified guess of talent and capabilities becomes the criteria by which all activities are then analyzed. Mentors use this loosely based prediction of a child’s future to judge and criticize them in the present. This constant dialogue using potential as a guide reduces current exceptional success to average and in many cases stunts personal growth. Later on in life, in subsequent adulthood, the belief will surface that the child star that did not live up to early expectations is an under-achiever and the child labeled average that does enjoy later success will be reclassified as a late-bloomer. Perhaps it is the concept of potential that is erroneous and therefore the culprit in this unfortunate misguided labelling.

The concept of potential is a guess made using a very small sample size and should never used as a measuring stick of a child’s present abilities. A more accurate approach is to monitor and recognize incremental improvement. The confidence that comes with the recognition of the successes in the present gives rise to greater achievement in the future. Many will say that the celebration of present achievement will breed complacency but it is that celebration of the positive that creates a receptive platform for constructive criticism and growth. The weight of being constantly judged against a prescribed potential is a burden which seems to be laden with only failure. The assumption that a child who is constantly criticized understands the motives of a parent or mentor is emotionally flawed. It is hard for adults much less children to believe themselves to be smart and capable while being told they have failed. Constant focus on mistakes can appear to question intelligence and erode creativity. The yoke of potential and the constant barrage of negativity that almost always accompanies it, can create under-achievement. Focusing on unrealized potential instead of giving demonstrative and well-deserved praise of current talent and success can damage a child’s spirit and impair their initiative to embrace new and greater challenges.

There is a place for critique and analysis of shortcomings. It is important to take a look at mistakes in an effort to eliminate them in the future. In my experience as a coach of young children I have learned that teaching is best accomplished through discussion that critically dissects performance. Within this dialogue it is imperative to be honest about weaknesses while at the same time providing simple, positive steps toward improvement. Creating short range goals gives rise to many opportunities to praise smaller yet genuine growth and thus create confidence. The accurate assessment of skills and attributes allows for children to succeed in their current world and build toward greater achievement in the future. Prodding children with the “potential stick” only creates another hurdle for them to navigate on an already difficult life-course.

To this day I have a hard time accepting criticism. It reminds me of my youth and the many times I felt a sense of inferiority. This is why when I deal with children and young adults I try to hold true to my oath as a child; that if I were ever a teacher or coach I would act differently. I am different in that I focus first on the positive and then use specific criticism to create realistic and incremental growth. This allows for the maintenance of confidence while at the same time revealing a path to a higher level of performance. It is not a formula based on the destination of potential but on the journey toward a unique, attainable, and bright future.